


Things Kakashi Wouldn't Do

by annelea



Category: Naruto
Genre: F/M, Family, Friendship, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-15
Updated: 2016-05-15
Packaged: 2018-06-08 15:48:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6861439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/annelea/pseuds/annelea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some things on a list of "things Kakashi Wouldn't do" on deviantart by  rideaseeker629 inspired this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Things Kakashi Wouldn't Do

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [100 Things--Kakashi](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/197239) by rideaseeker629 on deviantart.com. 



> All mistakes are my own. I read the list on deviantart and had a few random ideas, typed them up quickly, and posted them here.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

#14

April first was a time Kakashi usually decided to stay inside. It was the most popular day for people to try to trick his mask off of him. Many times he had come home sputtering after trying not to breathe in food, paint, or a drink someone threw at him. Last year, a cream pie had almost done the trick, but he held it together. This year, though, he had decided on being the prankster.

He knew Aburame Shino was going to be at the park today, at a certain dead tree teeming with insects. The weather was good, so the park would be crowded with people, being a Saturday. Smiling, he went out and bought himself a hoodie and a pair of sun glasses.

Finding the young man right where he expected, Kakashi leaned up against the park wall next to him, hands in pockets, hood and glasses on. Shino didn't comment, but he did look over a couple times.

He was certainly curious, but this was Hatake Kakashi. Nobody, certainly not Shino, stopped him from anything. Nobody questioned his quirks, either. This one was new, though, and caused Shino to worry.

The first passers-by didn't even bat an eyelash, just continued walking on. The second group started to say something, but stopped themselves and walked off, shaking their heads.

Of course, Gai and Lee would not let this sight go without comment.

"Please move along," Shino asked calmly. He really didn't like how many people were starting to pay attention to them.

"What are you doing, Kakashi?" Gai asked conspiratorily.

"Agent Aburame and I are here on official business. We're the Konoha Division of the Men In Black. Please, move along, or I will be forced to erase your memory."

Of course, Gai and Lee didn't actually run until he pulled out a marker and claimed he could use it instead of chakra to alter their memories.

When they did leave, Shino plucked up a little courage. "What was that about?"

"Same time next week, partner?" Kakashi asked instead. "We should catch that alien scum soon. Keep up the surveilence here as planned."

Walking away, he thought the prank might have a two-fold effect. Shino would be nervous of that old stump from now on. Gai and Lee might have an aversion to markers for a while. One prank turned into two. This April Fools turned out well... until Konohamaru and Naruto jumped him with spray paint cans...

#23

Breaking into the Hokage's office was always easy for Kakashi. So was figuring out where the new team assignments doccuments would be kept. He was tired of the same old number system for fresh genin teams. So, this year, when Naruto's son graduated, Kakashi had a plan. He snuck thorugh the files Naruto had put asside and started giving different names to the new teams. When he saw the new team seven's members, he had to think long and hard.

Sarutobi Konohamaru would be in charge of Uzumaki Boruto, Uchiha Sarada, and the relatively unknown Mitsuki. They were probably going to be one of the most ego-driven teams to have ever existed. What could he do about that? 

The next morning, when Naruto handed out the assignments to the new team leaders, he was still so sleepy that he didn't bother to look at more than the captain's name before handing them out. Everyone cleared out to head to the academy to collect their students, barely glancing at their assignments themselves.

Konohamaru, however, had not.

"Uh... boss?"

Naruto looked up, "What's up? Trying to be late like my old sensei?"

"Um... Why did you name my team 'The Fighting Power Puffs'?"

#31

Soaked to the bone in rain and blood, Kakashi knew he wouldn't make it to the hospital or to Haruno Sakura. He was aiming, instead, for the Inuzaka. Hana was an excellent veteranarian, and perfectly capable of working on him. It wouldn't be the first time she had done so.

When his face hit the dirt, he wasn't expecting to wake up like this.

He was not in the Inuzaka main house. Someone had undressed him, stitched him up, cleaned the mess of blood away (even the ends of his hair were perfectly clean), and redressed him. Unfortunately, it wasn't his own clothes he was wearing. No. This person had put him in a pair of boxers (women's), and a pink and white camo tank top with black words on the front reading "Ha ha, you can't see me now!"

"Oh, good, you're awake."

Kakashi turned to face the woman who spoke. She was rather normal looking, with a couple extra inches of fat to soften her curves. She had a couple obvious scars on her arm and her leg. One of them looked as if it had been particularly bad. She saw him looking and smirked.

"I have had more practice since then," she answered his unspoken question. "Your scars will be thin and smooth if you take care of them properly, like that one over your eye."

Kakashi put a hand to his face, then realized his mask was gone, too. "Where are my clothes?"

"Soaking in the tub, still," the woman answered, gesturing to the door. "I'm trying to get as much blood out as I can. Sorry about the clothes, but they're all I had that would fit you for now."

"Call Inuzaka Tsume," he told her. "Her husband's clothes fit me, and they are near by."

She gave him a look of questioning.

"He owes me at least a shirt from when he got his burned off a couple years ago. Please?"

#45

Always one to at least put a small monkey wrench in social events, Kakashi decided to make a toast at the Uchiha wedding. After speeking about the way Sakura had never lost hope of catching her newly minted husband, and thanking Sasuke profusely for finally seeing her as she was, he made an offer.

"You know, though, if he ever leaves you, just remember that this whole time I've been talking, I've also been doing this."

Quickly, he pulled his mask down just long enough to spit something out into his hand. It was a cherry stem tied in a knot.

Yeah, he deserved the punch from Sasuke, but did Naruto have to do it, too?

#52

The fact that his dogs were doing it meant he had to try at least once. He was fifteen and bored. Someone had dumped bags and bags of marshmallows out, one day before their marked expiration date. Bull had found them, and Kakashi agreed to bring them home. He would learn the next day that drinking what was left of his father's alcohol stash and seeing just how many marshmallows they could all fit into their mouths was a bad idea.

But, for the moment, Bull was winning. Kakashi couldn't quit now!

#54

Kurenai needed a baby sitter. Mirai was three and easily distracted. Desperate for some way to get the kid to stop sneazing and to get her laughing again, Kakashi inspected the home. There were lots of dust bunnies. Being a single mom was draining on Kurenai, Kakashi knew, so he decided that both he and the little Sarutobi would do some cleaning.

Kurenai came home to find her daughter threatening Kakashi with a toilet bowl wand while he stood up on the table with a dust mop.

"What is going on here?" she asked, concerned.

"Ma'am, I'm sorry. I really was winning the crusade against the Killer Dustbunnies of Doom, but, Mirai... She was a double agent the whole time! She's going to get me! Please, please, explain to her how important my mission is!"

"NO!" Mirai yelled, smacking his knee with the toilet brush.

Kakashi felt the sting. The kid was strong, but it wasn't as bad as he would then make it out to be. He yelled out, holding his leg and fell over onto the sofa, calling out.

"She wounded me! It's poison! Oh, no!"

He dramatically pretended to die right then and there.

That's when his plan backfired. Mirai began crying when he didn't respond.

Well... so much for giving Kurenai a happy daughter and a clean house. The whole thing had dissolved now. With a last didtch effort, he jumped up and exclaimed; "Mirai, I knew you loved me! Your tears have healed my broken spirit! Oh, thank you!"

Kakashi scooped up the now loudly laughing brunet and tickled her while spinning around.

Yep. That's how he ended up getting baby-sitter duty every thursday.

#77

Sarada looked at the box the Seventh Hokage sat on the dining room table carefully. There was definitely something alive in there. Not only were the air holes a clue, but the thing was shaking at random.

"Look... a plant is as close to a regular pet as I can get," he was telling the Uchiha women. "And... well...since it's Sasuke's birthday, and someone dumped this thing in my lap... I really hope you'd take care of it for me instead."

"Sasuke isn't here..." Sakura reminded, confused.

"It um... it should change back to it's natural color soon ish. Right now... it looks like Kisame and Itachi had a baby."

Sarada was thoroughly confused. "Who?"

Sakura looked horrified. "And you want us to take care of it?"

Without further explanation, Kakashi opened the box to reveal...

"Where is it?" Sarada braved asking first, then saw the hole in the cardboard box. "Oh, it chewed its way out!"

"Kakashi-sensei, what did you let loose in my house?" Sakura demanded.

She didn't have to wait long for an answer. One of the house cats was hissing, facing off against a bright blue weasel.

"Oh, there it is. Have fun!" Kakashi waved, then poofed out of their kitchen quickly.

#88

Kurenai was nervous. There were just too many options to choose from. Finally grabbing four of them, each a different kind, she ckecked out and ran home. Little did she know that Kakashi had been watching, and following her. While Asuma was gone, Kakashi had promised to tail her. A few people knew about the relationship Asuma and Kurenai had, and one of them was not a defector. She needed someone to keep an eye on her while they were apart.

Asuma said she had been acting oddly lately, so Kakashi agreed to take the job. Peering through the window of the bathroom, Kakashi saw Kurenai drop the package she carried with shaking hands.

Having enough of this, he decided to knock at the window, then let himself inside. "Come on. You probably only need one of those."

"He needs to be here for this, but I can't wait," she shook her head, not in the least bit worried about him having been spying on her.

"Why don't we do this together?" he suggested.

"What?"

"Come on. You take one, and I take one. The other two can be used to show Asuma and for work if the first one comes up positive."

"You know, what... Sometimes I think you're the best girlfriend I could ever have... just in a man's body."

"I'm flattered," Kakashi put a hand to his chest. "Come on. This won't be painful. I'll face the tub and do mine there. You get the toilet. Let's do this!"

Kakashi didn't bother looking at his. He was more worried about hers. But, for some reason, Kurenai watched his. His had two lines rather quickly.

"Um... Kakashi... you're pregnant."

"What?" he jumped up, picking up the test he'd peed on. "No way! Wait, Kurenai, we get to be pregnant together!"

When snatching up the test he'd used, his eye caught hers. The line was faint, but it was there. Asuma was going to be a father. Kurenai didn't get it at first.

"Look," he pointed at both of them. "I think the paper said even a faint line meant positive."

Kurenai frowned for a moment... "Why's yours stronger than mine?"

#93

Gai had to show up right now? Seriously? Kakashi had just received notice that Kurenai was going into labor, and Gai wanted to have a race now. Not really caring about the rout, Kakashi kept his eyes on Gai. The two men would now race to see who could get to hold the baby first.

The moment they got into town, the two started throwing things at one another, trying to trip each other and gain the lead. It was a common happening during their races, but this time, someone not involved became a problem.

They were carrying a pine tree through an intersection.

Gai warned him, and Kakashi actually looked... just in time to plant his face into the branches.

Gai won the race.


End file.
